The Lifetime Value of a Mentor – Business is One Thing, Deep Trust Is Another Thing Entirely

Posted on 15 May 2010 | No responses

[This is a crosspost from uber.la]

In the Penguins of Madagascar the skipper announces, “Friends are only enemies who haven’t attacked you yet.”

I use the term mentor for a special kind of leader, where my bond and oath to them is unquestioned. I pledge allegiance to the leader who exhibits honesty and clarity of purpose. Occasionally I get it wrong. Here is a comparison between three different mentors in my past work history that I believe will prove illuminating.

The first and longest running mentor is someone I have worked with on and off for over (check resume) 16 years. In this time we have worked for the same company, worked at different companies and now both work as consultants to help companies with their online strategy and marketing. And we are still working together. When this “friend” has an online challenge I am one of the people who gets the call. Often these are merely spark requests, “Do you have an ideas in this area?” And they offer a chance to catch up and in some cases work together again.

What is always is, is an honor to get that kind of call from this “mentor” who still values my opinion and acknowledges my work in the social media and online marketing execution. We usually come up with some ideas. We usually share a cup of coffee. And mainly we rekindle the bond and respect that forms between “lifetime business partners.” What is the lifetime value of a mentor?

The second mentor worked with me during one of the most difficult periods in my life. Struggling personally and professionally, this person never let me off the hook. In fact, they pushed me into roles and responsibilities that were well beyond my previous experience. But they could see something that I could not. In my pledge of allegiance I was clear to express my intention to do what ever it took to be successful as part of their team. Having worked on a project while I was at a “vendor” company, my mentor had an example of how I worked and how I delivered on my promises. As I followed this person into the ambiguous waters of corporate leadership, I knew that we were standing side by side. My success was synonymous with theirs. A failure on my part was a failure for the team. And I was committed not to let down the team.

The third mentor, had a different timbre from the beginning. We met with great enthusiasm and I was charged with delivering on a visionary plan that was being championed by this leader. There was definitely a meeting of the minds as we joined forces to solve problems that were much bigger than either of our influences. In many ways this person did provide some leadership guidance that kept me out of some tight situations, but there was something that was missing.

I committed to attacking and building the plan to solve a gaping hole in the online system of this company. And I dove in with all the vigor and clarity I could muster. I built teams, I build PPT decks, I called meetings… And occasionally I got a few minutes with this leader. But something was not coming back in my direction. In terms of giving feedback on my plans I could wait patiently until this person had time to review it. Or I could escalate the issue when I need an answer before a critical meeting or reporting period.

But what did not happen, and looking back now I can see it more clearly than when I was engaged with this massive undertaking, was this leader made little or no effort to support my plan. When asked directly about specifics they would either agree or disagree with my ideas. And when I did set up 1 x 1 meetings I was able to taylor my plan to meet some of this leaders’ objectives. And then… nothing.

So no matter how hard I pushed and managed and coordinated I could not get the momentum to get the project rolling towards success.

So the third mentor was a friend. And they “supported” my ideas while I was sharing with them. But outside of my small influence on their agenda and time, they did not provide any energy or “air cover” for my big plan. I was fighting the battle with hand-to-hand techniques but needed support from above. This specific project cut across three groups, and those leaders were either *with* the program or *against* the program. At this point, only superior fire power, that of a superior officer, can push the stalemates and objections through to delivery dates and roadmaps.

So the third mentor, would often call me and include me in some of the “advanced thinking” meetings, and I was honored to be part of the “smart guys” team. But when called upon to deliver some force, this person was usually unavailable.

So looking back I know mentors #1 and #2 are friends for life. And mentor #3 might have been more of a false mentor. I wanted to believe that this person was as fully committed to my project as I was to their success in every action they requested of me. But it simply was not the case.

All three of these people talk in glowing and friendly terms when we reconnect. And with two of them I am looking for ways to help, without any consideration for reciprocation. Now with the third person, I have to really listen to hear what is being asked of me. I cannot afford to engage in projects without the ability to win. In the first two, I KNOW from experience that I can count on them 100% when the chips are down or the project comes under fire. In the third person’s case, I have to understand a lot more about the “why” and “how” of the engagement before I am willing to give any more than advice.

@jmacofearth
permalink to original post on uber.la: http://bit.ly/mentor-lessons

Note: I’m just so happy to be writing about something other than the Apple iPad.

Notes from TEDxAustin: Scribblings and Sparks in the Dark

Posted on 22 February 2010 | No responses

[cross-posted from uber.la]

[Preamble] My list is incomplete. I was flooded with emotions during a number of the talks/performances/connections. My presence was 100%, my attention wandered with the intensity of the moment and my occasional need for some down time. It was sort of like a sweat lodge in the Austin City Limits studio. We were all prayin, the rocks and air were getting hotter, the presentations compounded the energy and gathered the collective WE, and the flap was only lifted three times during the entire day! WOW! [end of Preamble]

The opening trio at TEDxAustin, took my breath away. And with late apologies to Christopher E. Mueller Ph.D., I pretty much stumbled out of the studio for a bio break and a moment to gather my thoughts. I watched Dr. Mueller from the RED Room using the LiveStream feed but I was still recovering from the exposure and life-altering discussions of the first three speakers at TEDxAustin:

• Rip Esselstyn Firefighter, nutrition leader, author of The Engine 2 Diet
• Doug Ulman President/CEO the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Founder of the Ulman Foundation for Young Adults
• Steven Tomlinson Business educator & coach, theatre artist, co-founder of Acton School of Business

So here are my notes from the opening trio.

<start here>

Rip jumped right into the “heart” of the matter with a brilliant graph from his studies. His message, heart disease and cancer can be beaten with a plant strong diet. Animal protein and animal fat are not healthy for you. With his energy and passion it was clear to see the PLANT is the thing. He showed a graphic describing our diets as 67% enriched grains, 21% animal powered, 12% plant powered. And to cap it all off, 6% of the plant powered are French fries, so actually the number is closer to 6%.

And the science is easy to digest. Plant = health for the person and the planet. Meat = cancer, obesity, heart disease.

The one stat that really bummed me out however was when he took on Olive Oil. The “heart healthy” oil. And showed my gormet popcorn (olive oil and sea salt) to be nothing more than a FAT generator. There is ZERO nutrients in olive oil. So it might not make your colesterol go up, but it’s sure gonna make your belt size go up. Ben and Jerry’s was easy to see. Even hamburgers (Kobe included) are a pretty clear choice. But I figured my pop corn was a sacred and “heart friendly” snack. So I wasn’t too happy when Rip finished , but it was clear where the work in my personal eating habits needed to change.

<next>

Next up was Doug Ulman. A passionate cancer survivor who unveils his personal story and how he got involved with the Lance Armstrong Foundation. A few points:

The global cancer burden will be 300 Billion this year alone. 8 million people will die of cancer this year.

The cure for cancer is a myth. While the research and development of drugs and treatment for cancer continues, we cannot sit and wait for them to discover the cure. The cure is not coming. The burden is on each of us to do better in our lives and in supporting the lives of others.

The impact of LAF is in the breaking of the isolation of the cancer patient and their family once the words, “You Have Cancer” have been uttered.

What LAF gives cancer fighters is the empowerment to take charge of their lives, their treatment program and a path to connect with others who are on the same journey.

Where before LAF and Susan G Komen there was isolation, now there is connection. WE are in this together.

Now coupled on the back end of Rip’s presentation, it was like a one-two punch. My father died of both Cancer and Heart Disease. The unhinging of that sadness was as simple as seeing a picture of the Butler Bros dad, in his fight against cancer. The eyes of hopeful joy beaming out were so similar to my father on a good day. 20+ years ago my family did not have a place to go or rally around my father’s transition. We hovered around his bed at St. Davids and we consoled each other in our own misery. But it was a VERY PRIVATE AFFAIR.

Doug’s message is, cancer does not have to be an insolating and depressing event. Today’s awareness and communities provide information, support, access to clinical studies for potentially life-saving treatments.

In a private conversation later I challenged Doug on some of the transparency regarding products and profits on the LAF website. He was quite open and very reflective on my questions. It was clear he was making notes and would ask some of the same questions to his staff. His immediate openness and clarity on what he is doing and what LAF is doing was refreshing.

<next>

And so what it was about Steven Tomlinson that sewed me up and set me aflame?

• He’s an amazing actor. One-man plays being his specialty, he was spot on yesterday!
• I’ve known him peripherally over the last 20 years, in fact is was a UT rebirth that led me to take the playwriting 101 class where Steven was the TA.
• The two plays of Steven’s that I have seen live have been amazing, so I was receptive and willing to follow him down almost any meander and thought path as his narrative unfolded.
• His topic was his own questioning and discovering of his “calling.”  And his program contained some elements of how to create a “life of meaning.” At least in a Steven Tomlinson way. What’s not to love about that quest?

There were a few other synergies at work as well. In his quest, many of his passions and diversions seemed closely aligned with my own.

His motto: “Discard Nothing!” was a wonderful variation and much more positive take on my recent motto, taken from the 2009 Star Trek movie: “Fire Everything!” While mine was Type-A, agressive and guns-a-blasin. Steven’s had a more balanced vibe. More patient and aware.

His premise of letting all the various parts of lives, our passions and goals, live and co-exist without exclusion was powerful. His example: he loved to teach, he loved numbers (a MS in accounting), he was a standup comedian/playwright,  and he had some leanings toward entering the seminary, but he was confused about where to focus his energy. When pressed for the answer about which path to choose, his mentor said, “That’s the stupidest question anyone has ever asked me.” (Chalk that up to dramatic hyperbole.) But the message he received was simple. Would you ask me to shut off or deny several of your passions in service of the great one passion?

We need to let these parts of ourselves mingle and kick around with each other. “Discard nothing of ourselves.”

And as he went on his premise grew in strength and conviction.

He mentioned “degrees of freedom” as a frame for peeling away the layers of shite that prevent us from being whole. And had a great example of packing pop-top tuna in his car to give to beggars at opportune times.

And in his final thrust with his own self-discovery he talks about the Artist’s Way and the “morning pages” practice.  How we learn to dialogue with ourselves. And as we do it more frequently, these parts of ourselves that previously seemed so disparate begin weaving together into a common song. The song we want to sing. And the song only we can sing.

One of the great phrases he uses, outlining his patient and deliberate practice was, “Staring at things until they inspire us.”

If we allow all these parts of ourselves, and even parts of the world to exist, and we listen… And we continue to dialogue with ourselves… We get better at asking the deep questions. And our voices emerge and we get better at expressing what our “mission” maybe. And through that expression of possibility comes the WAY for that mission to become our LIVES.

We must listen. And have the patience with ourselves when the successes aren’t coming as quickly as we’d like them to. Or when the successes seem implausable and almost impossible.

We must give voice to our own inner dialogue about deep things. And in doing this we open ourselves to the potential of becoming who we really want to be.

Becoming who the world needs us to be.

Becoming! (Yes, that about sums it up for me.)

Namasté,

@jmacofearth
permalink: http://bit.ly/TEDx-trio

IAMACONNECTOR.COM has a growing TEDxAustin page: TEDxAustin Connect (please join and ask for admin rights, and you can add your connections from this masterful event!)

• The Sparkers List from TEDxAustin (yes I misspelled that on purpose!)
• Jon L’s reflections and notes on TEDxAustin
• Eugene Sepulveda’s TEDx reflections
• A Flickr photo collection from TEDxAustin
• NetImpact: Big Ideas at Inaugural TEDxAustin
• Kirk Tuck: Things I learned photographing a TEDx conference

And now a small word poem that would not be suppressed:

More becoming everyday
Becoming more everyday
Everyday becoming more
Everyday more becoming
Becoming everyday more
More everyday becoming

An MLK Manifesto 2010: I have a dream… I wish social media… (bi-lingal version)

Posted on 18 January 2010 | No responses

I wish social media could be used to…
Ojalá los medios de comunicación social puede ser utilizado para …

Help Haiti. Ayudar a Haití.

Teach people. Enseñar a la gente.

Provide computers and access to those unable to provide for themselves. Proporcionar ordenadores y el acceso a aquellos que no pueden valerse por sí mismos.

Connect even more of the world together by communities, affinities and passions. Conectar aún más del mundo junto con las comunidades, las afinidades y pasiones.

Build a team. Construir un equipo.

Create a tribe. Crear una tribu.

Lead a revolution. Dirigir una revolución.

Be at peace. Estar en paz.

Support our president. Apoyo a nuestro presidente.

Slow and reverse global warming, and stop arguing if it’s real or not. Frenar e invertir el calentamiento global, y dejar de discutir si es real o no.

Sing with one another. Canta con ellos.

Feed more people, provide more medicine, provide clean water to drink. Alimentar a más gente, proporcionar más cantidad de medicamento, proporcionar agua limpia para beber.

Learn humility and compassion. Aprender la humildad y la compasión.

Be more green. Ser más verde.

Reach across racial, economic and lifestyle prejudices to be more connected. Alcance a través racial, económica y prejuicios estilo de vida para estar más conectados.

Help build a more balanced health care system in the US. Ayudar a construir un mejor equilibrio del sistema de atención de salud en los EE.UU..

Support our troops both as they deploy and as they all come home wounded in some way. Support our troops, tanto en su despliegue y, como todos regresan heridos de alguna manera.

Recover from addictions. Recuperarse de las adicciones.

Be with the one’s we love. Estar con el que la amamos.

We could get more people on the cluetrain. Podríamos tener más gente en el tren de claves.

Support one another. Se apoyan mutuamente.

Drive fewer Hummers and biiiiig SUVs. Hummers unidad menos y SUVs biiiiig.

Pray to the same uber-God, sans dogma, or exclusionary religious politics. Ora a los uber mismo Dios, sin dogmas, o de exclusión política religiosa.

Learn to love more. Aprende a amar más.

Just be. Just Be.

Be just. Ser justo.

Love. Amor.

@jmacofearth
permalink: http://bit.ly/MLK-2010s

The MLK dream speech.

(8:00 am CST, I’m going dark for 24 hours to be with the ones I love. And then I’m back to be with the dream of social media tomorrow morning. Blessings all. The views expressed here are mine alone, and do not reflect the opinions or professional guidance of my employer.) (8:00 am hora del centro, voy a oscuras durante 24 horas para estar con la gente que quiero. Y entonces vuelvo a estar con el sueño de los medios de comunicación social, mañana por la mañana. Bendiciones a todos. Las opiniones expresadas aquí son exclusivamente mías , y no reflejan las opiniones o la orientación profesional de mi empleador.)

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